Home Sick

    I'm sure no one is reading this, but I feel the need to get some things out.
    Lately, I have been missing Israel so much that it hurts. I know that's weird to say when I was "only" there for four months. What right do I have as a tourist to say that I love a country so much that my heart aches? I don't know all the cons (nor all the pros) about Israel, but I feel at home there. I feel a sense of belonging. A sense of pride and hope. A feeling of happiness and a feeling of joy.
    What I feel about is Israel right now is not just a "I'll go back to Israel at some point" type of phenomenon where I'll go back in 30 years. This is a feeling so strong that if someone gave me 2000 dollars right now, I know exactly what I would do with it. I literally ache for the holy land. I'm not sure how long the honeymoon period is, but I know that it's at least four months so my emotions may just be a result of not being able to finish that.
    I think that this feeling has become stronger in the past few weeks because of the series of Jewish holidays that occurred over the past week: Yom HaShoah (Holocaust Rememberence Day), Yom HaZikron (Remberence of Fallen Soldiers), and finally Yom Ha'atzmaut (Israel Independence Day). These holidays have such an impact on Jews all across American that it must be an amazing experience to be in Israel when those holidays occurred.
    It also feels like I was never in Israel. I am forgetting a lot of my Hebrew because I am not exposed to it daily. I miss the smell of fresh hot pitas wafting through the air and every place that claims to be the best falafel in town.
    I have grown-up while abroad, but some of my friends who did not go abroad, well,  did not mature as much and sometimes as a result it is hard to talk to them. I don't care about the daily drama that happens everyday at college. I don't want to hear about who's not talking to who or who did what to who. Let's move on to something in the world that matters.
    In addition, many of my friends who I haven't seen in a almost a year are starting to come back from their experience and I feel that despite the fact that I went abroad that everyone forgot. Like my experience is undermined by theirs. I want to hear about their trip to London, Hawaii, or where ever it may be, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to talk about my trip.
    So, the thing to do now is start looking into programs for after college. I know my mom and dad won't be happy, but Israel is a place that has become a piece of my heart. I can't just let it be.
   
   

Back to the Grind

    After a nine-month vacation, I have this thing called, uh, school. Honestly I did so little work in Israel I almost forgot how to sit in class and take notes in a lecture of hundred people and have daily homework. Although, we had a snow day and half last week.
    Seeing everyone has been really nice. It makes you realize how much people like you and miss you. People who I have barely exchanged two words with came over and hugged me and asked about Israel. I feel like a freshman all over again, though. I mean sure I know my way around campus and I know how things work, but since a lot of my good friends went away for the semester, there aren't that many of my close friends around. Plus, there are a gazillion new faces and people who I never seen. When I went to the dining hall for the first time, it was a bit overwhelming. Of course, it didn't help that I went to the one way across campus and wouldn't recognize anyone anyway. When people ask me how Israel is I just say "awesome!!!" but that word doesn't encompass anything about Israel. I have found that people who have been to Israel or have been abroad understand my experience better. They tend to ask better questions after the "how was Israel?" part.
    I'm still on Israeli time meaning that time doesn't exist.  I haven't been late for class, yet, but I'm not fast-walking to class anymore nor am I constantly looking at my watch seeing how much time I have left. I'm also not looking at the clock so much in class, although I think that's just due to the fact that I had three hour classes in Hebrew and my longest one here is only two hours.
    The two things I majorly miss are real Hummus and Pita and waking up in Haifa and seeing the Mediterranean Sea as I walk to class. Instead, I wake up to door alarms, freezing snow, and the oh so wonderful smell of the dining hall.
    There's so much more I want to say, but it's hard to put it into words. It feels like I was never in Israel last semester while at the same time it is so obvious that I wasn't here. I've only been one for a month, but that time seems longer than a month in Israel. However since being in Israel, I feel that I can explain that Israeli-Palestinian conflict better than before. It is also really nice that when we talk about Israel in Hebrew class, I can picture the exact place. For example, we were talking about Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem and I could picture the exact location and I even know how to get there from the Old City. What's also really cool is that one of my friend's, who is a sophmore right now, wants to go to Haifa U. during the summer and wants to know everything about it so it's been fun explaining things to him, especially when I had the same worries, like food.
       I am so jealous of my friends in Israel right now because I wish I were there. But at the same time, I'm glad I'm not. All my umass friends that are there now are all at Hebrew U. They are not neccessarily best friends with each other, nut they do have one another to rely on. I'm glad that my experience was one of a kind. Not many people go to Haifa and the city is just so different from Jerusalem. (I also really don't like J'lem). I was the only person who had my experience from here. I made lots of friends, only a few of which I still talk to, but all in all, I'm glad I went when I did and where I did.

Home Sweet Home

    Sorry this has taken awhile to get up, but I've had issues with what and how to say some things, which I'll get to in a minute:
    I left Israel on the 6th very early in the morning after a really good weekend with my family, whom I never met before. I heard stories and names but finally seeing faces was good because now I know who these people are. My cousin waited with me in line for baggage security and we said good-bye after that. While waiting in line for regular security, I met up with someone on my program and we waited together for the flight home. The 12-hour flight wasn't too bad. There was someone next to me who went to Tufts so I had to ask him if he knew my brother and we ended up playing Jewish Geography, my favorite game ever, and we ended up talking for a bit at the beginning and the end of the flight.
    I have seen a few of my friends this week and talked to family and family friends. Everyone asks the same question: How was Israel. There is no way to answer that. How does "good" or "awesome" or "amazing" or even "once in a lifetime experience that I would never give up" begin to capture my experience. Sure, it was all those things, but it was also so much more. There is no way to describe being abroad. I can say how much I had fun and how I had a great time, but it doesn't explain the feeling of connection that I felt to Israel. It doesn't explain my view. It doesn't explain feelings for Israel. It doesn't explain my experience at all. I can tell you all these things, but in order for you to get a feeling of what I experienced, you yourself have to go abroad.
    Traveling in a foreign country is so much different than actually living there. Besides the fact that as a traveler you go to tourist places so people speak English, you know you don't belong there. You know that you will be leaving in a few days. You know that you don't have to assimilate there. Living there, even as a tourist, you need to learn the language a little bit. You need to know the culture and accept the practices. You need to try to assimilate into the culture. You can't live in Israel and keep American culture. You'll be miserable. You need to accept that there is no time and that everything is just so much more relaxed. You have to accept that it normalcy is getting your bag checked just to go food shopping. Or being scanned just to see a movie. When you do realize that these are all aspects of Israeli culture, it becomes normal to you and you are partly assimilated. The other part is becoming fluent in Hebrew.
    Although I did not become fluent, I learned a lot more than I realized. In September, I could understand about half of the Hebrew that I heard. When I went to my cousin's house, they speak very little English so I had to use Hebrew and I realized that I could understand most of what they were saying. I wish that my Hebrew class had smarter people and that we did more speaking instead of only grammar. Now that I'm home, I forget that I can speak English to people. I can say "go ahead" instead of mumbling weird noises and gestures. But I still forget that I can do that.  When I got to the airport it was a bit overwhelming to hear so much English. I mean sure all the international students spoke English, but there were only a few conversations going on at a time. In the airport while waiting for baggage, almost everyone was speaking English. But there were so many conversations going on at once that it was overwhelming. It felt like I was in a bubble for four months and within my bubble there were my friends who spoke with and there were a few air holes, the Hebrew that I understood. Leaving the plane, though, my bubble popped and I could hear and understand everyone again. I didn't have to put all my focus and attention into understanding the passport controller. He had no foreign accent when speaking to me. 
    Israel has at last became a place that I can relate with. After birthright, Israel was just a place that I finally been to after much hype, but it was still a lande that was far away and hard to feel connection with. But, I think after being there for four months and meeting people who live there and becoming friends, I have made a connection with Israel. It doesn't seem like a country that is across an ocean and half. I care about what is happening in Gaza and other issues. It's not like I didn't care, but it was this tiny country that you couldn't even find on a map. How are you supposed to feel patriotic about a place that you barely know? That's like being best friends with the President(-elect). Sure I know his name and heard all these things about him, but I've never met the guy. I feel that I need to be his best friend, though, because everyone says that he's such a nice guy. That's how I felt with Israel. I had to support Israel, not because I didn't believe in Her, but because, well, and I'm afraid to admit this, but because everyone else did. It was what I learned to be "the right thing". However, by studying and living in Israel I have become more passionate about Israel as a whole. I can defend Israel, I hope. 
    On a different note: I think going abroad gives you a chance to grow up. Sure college does the same thing, it's kind of the purpose, but I think that going to a different country and living on your own, not being able to rely on your familiars to help you makes you depend on yourself makes you grow up. With no one on my program that I knew, I had to step outside my comfort zone and take the chance at embarrassing myself and doing stupid things. I think that it was good that I didn't know anyone. There was no one to fall back on and I could be who I wanted. I think that as a result of all these things, I have changed since going abroad, I don't know if it's "more grown-up" change or "different" change. Either way, I did and I am proud of myself that I went to Israel for four months away from everything that I knew. I honestly thought I would get more homesick more often than I did, but I had so much fun that by the time I realized how much fun I was having, it was almost time to go home.

I hate that time passes so quickly when you're having fun...

I don't know if I will continue with this blog or not, but if I do, then I won't be writing as often. But stay posted!

The End is Near

    Classes ended today. After a week of two finals and a presentation (the most I have ever had here), the semester has come to an end. Yes. On New Years Day. Sylvester, as it is called in Israel, is not a big deal to anyone over the age of 30 and under the age of 15. It is a big party night, though, for those in between. The countdown to midnight was very anti-climactic. Being in Israel, the countdown was actually after midnight, but hey, it was close enough to count. I didn't get back too late, mostly because I had been up since before eight that morning and didn't sleep well.
    In Hebrew, my only class of the day, my teacher brought in Barekas with cheese and Tim-Tams, almost the best cookie in the world. My teacher also made us tea/coffee and using the Tim-Tam, you make a straw and suck the tea and because the tea is hot, the chocolate melts and becomes a delicious gooey mess. We were supposed to be watching a movie, but it was all in Hebrew and no one was awake enough to understand so we ended up talking and being sad about everyone leaving.
    I am leaving on Tuesday morning/Monday night...however you want to look at 1am. But I'm leaving Haifa on Sunday to visit some cousins. That means I have exactly two days to pack and clean and go! It doesn't seem like I will be home next weekend or that in just a few days I'll be in my own room with my own stuff. I am looking forward to going home for many reasons besides seeing family and friends:
1. hot shower whenever I want to shower
2. oven/stove
3. no pile of dishes in the sink for a week and then claiming they're not yours
4. baggers at the grocery store
5. I will be able to ask for what I want in the same language as the cashier
6. Internet in my room

But I will miss Israel. I love that:
1. time doesn't exist
2. lines don't exist
3. everything is in Hebrew
4. almost everyone is Jewish
5. until two weeks ago, the weather didn't get below partly cloudy and 50 farenheit

    I think that it is amazing that four months ago, I didn't know anyone here and now I have become best friends with many of them. The sad thing, however, is that I will probably never see any of my Danish or Hungarian friends again. I would love to go to those places, but when? Even some friends I have made that live in Arizona or California and don't go to school near me, I will probably never see again. I know you have to make an effort to keep in touch, but it's weird that after living with these people for four months, I won't see again. With facebook and IM it's easier to keep in touch, but once school starts and you get busy at home, there are only a few people that you actually stay in touch with.
    Tomorrow is the last Shabbat Service and I have to pack. See you when I get back to the US! It's gonna be a lovely 12 hour flight...