For half of my childhood, I was questioned by by peers. "What are those triangle cookies?", "What's matzah?", "You only get 8 presents?". It's gets exhausting and annoying to have to answer these questions. When I moved to a more Jewish town, the questions changed from "eww, that's gross" inquiries to "I genuinely want to know" wonderments. While it was still somewhat bothersome to always have to explain why I was taking a day off from school, I was more ok with answering these questions because in return I would ask my friends of other ethnicities about their own culture. We traded information because we wanted to know not because we wanted to tease.
Everyone wants to be different. But then when we are different, we feel offended that people can't understand that our differences is what makes us unique. We tease and mock others who are are outside the group of conformity and yet we continue to say "I am different." But really, we're all the same. We want to be different, but not too different. We want to stand out from the group, but we don't want to be in the fringe. So while being Jewish has given me a sense of uniqueness, there was always a part of me that wondered what it was like to be in a place where the rules of religion were understood.
And for me, that place is Israel.
Living there for four or six months at a time just doesn't give me the sense of belonging. I still feel like a visitor no matter how well I know my location. And so, I am about to do what will hurt my family the most.
A move to Israel.
How am I supposed to explain that moving to Israel is something I need to do? If I don't I will regret this for the rest of my life. There are proven studies that say you regret inaction more than actions. So, even if I do end up hating life there, at least I tried. I had the guts to move to a different country. On the other hand, life is short and this is the time of my life when it's ok to pick up and go. It's ok to take adventures. There's nothing holding me back. Family will always be here and I will always love them and I will always be thinking of them. It may seem like I am abandoning the family I have known for almost 23 years, but it's not abandonment. I'm not leaving the US without looking back. I am tucking them in my backpack to pull out at any time. Trust me when I say I will be thinking of everyone. I will be feeling guilty for missing certain events. But, family will always be important. My mother taught me that.
I want to move to Israel for a million reasons. I can't explain every single one. I have tried hard in previous posts to illustrate exactly why I love Israel. Life in the United States isn't terrible. I have a good life. I had a good education. I am cultured and traveled. I have always known when the next meal was. I have always had a roof over my head. I have had parents who love me and support me. I am lucky to have been born in such a fortunate family. But that's just it. Sometimes you have to do something out of your comfort zone in order to fully appreciate what life has given you. I understand that it's not just my comfort zone I am walking out of. It's all of my family's and friends' comfort zone and it's this, that I think hurts them the most.
I know my move will be hard on my family, but I hope they understand that this is something I want/have to do.
